


we spent our time in silence(but there's something you should know)

by AwesomeNerd96



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:26:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24136573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwesomeNerd96/pseuds/AwesomeNerd96
Summary: They just stare at each other in silence and Lena watches Kara’s mouth open slightly as if she’s going to say something before she slowly closes it and looks back out the window. Lena sees the muscles in her jaw clench as if Kara is holding back all the words that need to be said between them.Not being able to take the quiet anymore, Lena just says the first thing that pops into her head.“Have you ever wanted to hate someone?”Takes place right after then end of 5x18
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 33
Kudos: 527





	we spent our time in silence(but there's something you should know)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! So I used to write fan fiction a long time ago and I haven't wrote in forever and never for A03 but I've been wanting to try again for a while and Supercorp absolutely owns me and I had this idea after last nights episode and decided to try it. I didn't exactly know how to start it so I looked up dialogue prompts and saw "Have you ever wanted to hate someone?" and just went with it. Hope you guys enjoy it :) If you do or don't feel free to tell me here or on Tumblr at https://warrior-princess-of-sarcasm.tumblr.com

Lena is very familiar with silence.

More often than not the only sounds echoing through Luthor Manor would be the old floorboards creaking or the occasional door opening and closing. Lena sometimes spent days without saying a word to anyone. The silence in the Luthor household was vast. Lena felt like she was in a never ending void of nothing but her own thoughts.

The silence in Kara Danvers apartment is _suffocating_.

Lena felt like it was closing in on her so tightly she could barely breathe, much less think.

She had explained everything there was to explain about what she knew about Lex and Leviathan and other than the occasional question, Kara had kept quiet.

Now they were both just sitting at Kara’s kitchen table; Kara with her eyebrows furrowed like she was already trying to think up some sort of plan on how to stop whatever chaos Lex was planning and Lena just staring silently into her cup of hot chocolate Kara had made for her cause apparently _‘it helps’_.

Lena isn’t so sure anything could help the situation she had gotten herself into but she wasn’t about to say no to any act of kindness coming from Kara.

Even if she felt like she didn’t deserve it.

Lena finally looks up from her cup only to blink slightly in shock when she sees that Kara’s eyes are now focused on her. They just stare at each other in silence and Lena watches Kara’s mouth open slightly as if she’s going to say something before she slowly closes it and looks back out the window. Lena sees the muscles in her jaw clench as if Kara is holding back all the words that need to be said between them.

Not being able to take the quiet anymore, Lena just says the first thing that pops into her head.

“Have you ever wanted to hate someone?”

Kara’s head whips to her quickly in surprise and Lena has to fight the urge to flinch at the rapid movement.

Apparently she still hasn’t quite shook the image of Lex screaming in her face from the night before.

Kara tilts her head a little and Lena can tell she senses her discomfort by the way she relaxes the tension in her shoulders and her face softens just a bit. Slowly Kara nods her head.

“Yes.” She says quietly. “My aunt Astra.”

Lena cocks her head curiously and Kara lets out a small sigh. “When I first came out as Supergirl and the DEO recruited me, I found out that when my pod escaped the Phantom Zone, it brought Fort Rozz along with it.”

Lena tries not to look as confused as she feels but it must show on her face because Kara lets out a breathy self-deprecating laugh. “Right. You have no idea what I’m talking about.” She takes off her glasses and scrubs a hand across her face. “Because you didn’t know I was Supergirl so I never told you.” She says as she goes to put her glasses back on. Instead she pauses with them halfway to her face, slowly folds them up and sets them on the table.

Lena looks from Kara to the glasses and back to Kara again. She realizes that this is the first time she has seen Kara without her glasses and outside of her super suit since Kara revealed her identity to her. Like this she isn’t Kara Danvers or Supergirl.

This is Kara Zor-EL.

Kara sighs once again and Lena snaps out of her thoughts and back to the present conversation.

“It’s kind of a long story but basically my Aunt Astra and her husband Non had committed crimes on Krypton and were sentenced to imprisonment on Fort Rozz in the Phantom Zone. The Phantom Zone is a place in space where no time passes. It’s where my pod got stuck when I was escaping Krypton. I was stuck there for 24 years.”

“That must have been awful.”

Kara blinks like she didn’t expect Lena to speak but then slowly nods her head. “It was. I was only 13 and I had just lost my entire world. The silence was the worst part.”

Lena bites her lip and looks back down at her now cold cup of hot chocolate. “I can understand that.” She glances back up at Kara. “I mean it’s nowhere near the same thing you went through but….the Luthors weren’t really known for their loving conversations.”

Kara gives her a quick sympathetic look before blinking it away. “Right um, eventually my pod was able to pull free and get to Earth but when it did it brought Fort Rozz and all it’s prisoners along with it. Astra and Non being among them.” Here Kara hesitates and starts fiddling with her glasses on the table. “Astra she…..her methods were horrible but she tried to save Krypton. She knew the planet was dying and no one was listening so she and Non took drastic measures to try and save us from ourselves. It didn’t work but when they got to Earth, she and Non saw another dying planet and decided to try again.” Kara stops fiddling with her glasses and looks directly at Lena. “They wanted to use Myriad. They figured the best and easiest way to save humanity from themselves was to control them.”

Lena wants to look away, she wants to run out of Kara’s apartment as fast as she can and crawl into her bed and never come out. But that would be the cowardly thing to do.

And Lena isn’t a coward.

Less than 12 hours ago she stared down her abusive and manipulative brother and told him she refused to be a monster so she could certainly keep her eyes locked with Kara’s as she faced the reality of her mistakes.

They stare at each other a few more seconds before Kara gently clears her throat. “Anyway, Astra’s plan obviously put her and I on opposite sides. And the whole time I remember thinking that if I….if i could just _hate her_ , if I could somehow turn off the love I had for her that it would’ve made everything a whole lot easier. So I tried.” Kara looks down at the table again and slowly a sad smile creeps across her face. “But it didn’t work.” She locks her eyes with Lena’s once again. “Every time I saw her I would get so angry at what she was doing but...no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t let go of the memories I had of her on Krypton. What she was doing was awful but…” Kara shrugs a little. “She was still the woman who would let me sit in her lap as she taught me about the stars and all the other planets.”

“She was still your family.” Lena says, all too knowingly.

Kara nods at her. “Yeah.” Lena gives her a sympathetic smile and Kara blinks in realization of what Lena meant when she voiced her question.

“Lex taught me to play chess.” Lena whispers. “He taught me how to ride a bike, he taught me to drive a car...he taught me to _build_ a car.”

Kara snorts at that. Accidentally, if they way her eyes widen and the way she covers her mouth is anything to go by. Lena just smiles at her though and Kara smiles back.

It makes Lena feel 1000 times better than any cup of hot chocolate ever could.

For a moment anyway.

Lena blows out a breath as she pushes her untouched drink across the table and fiddles with her hands. “Even after all these years, it’s still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that the same man who turned the sun red and mass murdered a courtroom full of people is the same 14 year old boy who used to sit up with me on nights when I couldn’t sleep and read me books about greek mythology.” Lena can feel the sting of tears and she rubs at her eyes trying to keep them from coming.

It doesn’t work.

She blinks and a few tears trail down her cheeks. Lena laughs. It’s a hollow sound and as more tears fall and Kara scoots a little closer without even realizing it. Lena locks her watery eyes with Kara’s bright blue ones and swallows back the lump in her throat. “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. You told me several times to be careful with Lex and I just ignored you.” Lena shakes her head at herself in disgust. “God, I can’t believe I let him manipulate me **_again_**. I’m such an idiot.” She looks at Kara once again. “Kara I know you must hate me right now and I don’t blame you cause this is all my fault and I-”

“Stop!” Kara interrupts loudly and Lena can’t help but jump a little as she freezes and clamps her mouth shut.

Kara realizes immediately that Lena thinks she said that in anger so Kara does her best to make her expression as soft as possible and slowly holds her hands out to Lena. “Can I?”

When Lena just stares in confusion, Kara jerks her head towards Lena’s own hands. With a blink of realization Lena swallows back another lump in her throat and nods.

Kara slowly takes both of Lena’s hands in her own. She runs her thumbs across her knuckles before letting out a small breath and squeezing. She looks back up at Lena. “This is not your fault. Look Lena, we’ve both said and done things we didn’t mean during all this and I never fully opened my eyes to your perspective of things.” Kara blinks and Lena thinks she can see the shine of tears in Kara’s eyes as well. “I hurt you deeply Lena.”

“Kara, you've already apologized for that. I know why you didn’t tell me your secret and-”

“No.” Kara says shaking her head. “That’s not what I mean. I hurt you when I started treating you as if you were Lex. Lena I know your history. I know just how many times you’ve been betrayed in your life. But more important than that, I know that the Luthors have abused and manipulated you for years. Especially Lex.” This time when Kara blinks, a few tears escape. “So I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for not seeing what was happening. I’m sorry for not realizing that Lex was manipulating you, manipulating both of us into seeing each other as the enemy.” Kara squeezes Lena’s hands once again. “You are not the villain here. You never have been. I’m sorry I ever thought you could be.”

“I’m sorry I made you think that.” Lena whispers. “This whole time I thought I was right. I thought that Non Nocere was the answer to all the world's problems. I can’t believe I was so blind to what I was actually doing.”

Kara gives her a small smile. “You weren’t wrong to try and save the world, Lena. Your methods were just a little…. _unconventional_.”

Lena raises an eyebrow at her. “Is that the polite Kara Danvers way of saying my methods were batshit crazy?”

Kara laughs loudly at that and Lena smiles at the sound.

“The **_point_** is…” Kara continues with a fond roll of her eyes. “You were hurting and you were vulnerable and Lex took advantage of that.” Kara looks directly into Lena’s eyes. “But you pulled through. Just like always.”

Lena blinks as a few more tears fall. “Thank you.” She says squeezing Kara’s hands.

Kara shrugs. “I didn’t do a thing. You did this all on your own. And for what it’s worth….I am so proud of you.”

It’s worth **_everything_** , and suddenly Lena is crying twice as hard as she was before. She hears the sound of Kara’s chair scrape the ground and she can sense the other girl’s hesitation before slowly, gently, Kara lowers herself down on her knees beside Lena’s chair. Lena looks over at her, tears slightly blurring her vision but nothing could dim the beautiful light that is Kara Danvers.

Kara holds out her arms. “They’re here if you need them.”

Lena doesn’t waste a second as she immediately wraps her arms around Kara’s shoulders and buries her face in her neck. She feels Kara’s arms go around her waist and squeeze tightly. The sheer warmth and comfort she feels from just that small gesture has her crying for a completely different reason. She feels Kara’s shoulders shaking a little and she knows she’s crying too.

Lena squeezes as hard as she can, needing to hold on as tightly as possible and knowing she has absolutely no chance of hurting the other girl.

Kara however, doesn’t have that same luxury. She cradles Lena gently but firmly. Squeezing just hard enough that Lena knows she’s here and she’s not going anywhere. She can’t help but cry at the feeling of having her best friend back. She missed her.

She decides to tell her. “I missed you.”

She hears Lena sniffle and nuzzle closer. “I missed you too. So much.”

Kara squeezes just a tiny fraction harder. _I love you_.

She decides to keep that one to herself.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
